Two (2) Ways to Fix Imposter syndrome | MTF transgender
It may feel like an incessant, unending loop and you are uncertain whether you will ever get out of it. Feeling like you can never experience your authentic self can be overwhelming.
During this stage, you are acutely aware of where you are and where you want to be, but you just seem stuck in the middle, unable to take a step forward.
Alternatively, you could be moving forward, but the distance commuted is so minuscule, you may feel like there is no movement at all. If you constantly keep questioning your womanhood, you may well be dealing with gender impostor syndrome.
First thing to remember when you start your transition journey is that it is quite normal to feel like you are faking it during the initial stages.
You would just have to fake it till you make it. Each day, you may find yourself trying something different and new- a new expression or lowering your voice or donning a skin-tight dress and so on.
Sometimes, things may work for you. At other times, you may find yourself wondering if it actually feels right.
The feedback from your environment and from your own self might persuade you that it is not a right fit for you. This could be in relation to your name or your clothes. Such instances can sometimes hold you back.
To find your authenticity, experimentation is important. For instance, if you are a trans woman trying out a dress for the first time ever, it is possible that it may not be a right fit for your personality or your body. That doesn't take away from your womanhood.
There are different kinds of dresses and you just need to find the one that is perfect for your body type. It’s almost like you are starting from scratch and you need to try out different clothes, expressions, and voices until you find something that is authentically “you.”
The most important thing to remember is that there is something out there that works best for you and you will eventually find it. It takes a lot of time, effort, and self-doubt to get there but it is definitely not impossible.
One option is to observe your environment and your girlfriends- if you find something that appeals to you, you could try it for yourselves. If it works, you can slowly integrate it within your personality. As stated above, fake it till you make it.
If you keep repeating something, you will eventually make a habit out of it and your brain will get conditioned in this manner. Initially, it may feel unnatural to you but it is likely that nobody else will even notice that something is out of ordinary.
The second stage of this process is to remember that once you have made it, let go of the faking it part.
Just because you faked it to get there, doesn’t take away from your authenticity. Faking it was just the means to the desired end. It is an experience you had to undergo to get more in touch with yourself.
As long as you are comfortable with who you are and accept all parts of yourself, there is nothing fake about who you are.
In fact, you were merely exploring and discovering yourself throughout the process and once you find yourself, that journey is over. This reality can be particularly hard to accept on days when you get misgendered. However, they don’t know your story.
Only you know who you are and what you have been through. When you rediscover yourself, you can be in a very fragile state as you want others to acknowledge what you already know. However, that is not always possible.
As long as you know, accept, and acknowledge who you are, the imposter syndrome will gradually subside.
We hope this article has helped you tackle your imposter syndrome. Good luck!!
Found this article useful? Find more like it on our MTF Transition Hub