The Weight of Passing: Finding New Lightness as a Transwoman
For transgender individuals, being perceived and treated according to one's true gender identity can be an ongoing journey filled with complex emotions.
The concept of "passing" refers to a trans person being seen as cisgender, or non-transgender. Passing can relate to appearance, mannerisms, voice, and overall gender presentation.
While the privileges associated with passing are undeniable, a trans person's relationship with passing privilege is often nuanced and multi-layered.
The Complex Feelings Around ‘Passing’
For transgender people, "passing" refers to being perceived as cisgender, or non-transgender. Passing can relate to appearance, voice, mannerisms, and being treated as one's true gender.
Often, the desire to pass is positioned as being mainly about safety and avoiding discrimination. However, passing can also be about avoiding repeatedly having to explain or justify one's gender identity.
When someone is visibly transgender, there can be an unspoken curiosity from others. This can put pressure on trans people to proactively bring up their identity to "clear the air." While some advocates argue trans people shouldn't have to do this emotional labor, the reality is most people are still uneducated about trans issues.
The Dual Sides of ‘Passing Privilege’
Early in transition, before passing consistently, transgender people may feel obliged to disclose their identity. But those who now pass seamlessly may wish to avoid these conversations and just be treated as any other man or woman.
Passing can provide a sense of relief from the constant navigation of gender assumptions and questions.
However, some trans people want to live openly and educate others about the transgender experience. There are complex feelings involved in wanting to pass versus being openly trans.
‘Passing’ for Oneself
Beyond how others perceive gender, passing can also be about self-validation. Meeting one's own standards for appearing feminine or masculine enough can be complicated. Passing to oneself can feel like a weight lifted.
Not all transgender people can achieve full passing privileges. But many can reach a point where they are consistently perceived as their true gender through changes in presentation, voice training, mannerisms, etc.
Finding What Works
There is no right or wrong way to feel about passing. Each trans person must navigate what makes sense for them in different contexts and life stages.
While passing can provide lightness and relief, it is not accessible or safe for everyone. There are nuances around wanting to proudly claim one's trans identity versus needing a break from constant navigation and explanation.
As individuals walk the complex journey of the transgender experience, their relationships with others will continue to evolve.
Tips on How to Find New Lightness as a Transwoman
Here are some additional tips on how to make passing smoother:
- Dress in a way that makes you feel comfortable and confident. This may mean wearing clothes that are typically associated with your gender identity, or it may mean finding a style that is unique to you. The most important thing is to feel good about yourself in your clothes.
- Use makeup and other grooming techniques to enhance your desired features. This can be anything from shaving or waxing to using makeup to contour your face and body. There are many tutorials available online and in magazines that can help you learn how to use makeup to create a look that you love.
- Practice your voice and mannerisms to make them more aligned with your gender identity. This can be done by listening to recordings of people who have the same gender identity as you and trying to emulate their way of speaking and moving. There are also many voice training resources available online and in person.
- Be mindful of your body language and posture. The way you carry yourself can communicate a lot about your gender identity. Try to stand up straight, make eye contact, and speak clearly and confidently.
- Choose a name and pronouns that you feel comfortable with and ask others to use them. This is an important part of affirming your gender identity. If you are not sure what name or pronouns to use, there are many resources available online and in your community that can help you.
- Surround yourself with supportive people who affirm your gender identity. Having a strong support system is essential for transgender people. Spending time with people who love and accept you for who you are can make a big difference in your overall well-being.
- Educate yourself about transgender issues and be prepared to answer questions from others. This can help you feel more confident in your gender identity and advocate for yourself. There are many resources available online and in your community that can help you learn more about transgender issues.
- Remember that you are not alone, and there are many resources available to help you on your journey. There are many organizations and individuals who are dedicated to supporting transgender people. If you need help or support, please reach out.
Summary
The concept of passing can be complex for transgender individuals. On the one hand, it can provide a sense of relief from the constant navigation of gender assumptions and questions.
On the other hand, it can also be a source of pressure and anxiety, as transgender people may feel obliged to constantly prove their gender identity to others.
Ultimately, there is no right or wrong way to feel about passing. Each transgender person must navigate what makes sense for them in different contexts and life stages.
While passing can provide lightness and relief, it is not accessible or safe for everyone. There are nuances around wanting to proudly claim one's trans identity versus needing a break from constant navigation and explanation.
As individuals walk the complex journey of the transgender experience, their relationships with others will continue to evolve. It is important to remember that everyone is on their own unique path, and there is no one right way to be transgender.