The Experience of Living as a Transgender Woman: Mathilda Hogberg
Mathilda Hogberg is a transgender woman who lives in Sweden and shares her journey on YouTube. In one video, she offers an candid look into her life experience as a trans woman.
Her story provides insight into the complex emotions, self-discovery, and societal views that shape this experience. Let's explore the experience of living as a transgender woman from Mathilda Hogberg's perspective.
Realizing One's True Self from a Young Age
Mathilda recalls experiencing intense jealousy towards the other girls in her class around ages 5-6. She desperately wanted to emulate the way they acted, talked, dressed, and behaved, but did not understand these strong feelings.
At just 10 years old, Mathilda already felt great unhappiness with her appearance and the idea of growing up to be a man. She forced herself to believe the lie that she could find happiness living that way.
As the pre-teen years went by, Mathilda's negative feelings only grew stronger. She describes reaching a point where she had to mentally force herself to seem outwardly happy living as a boy, while inwardly dreading the masculinized adulthood that lay ahead.
A vivid memory for Mathilda is a commercial with a stereotypical suburban father character who seemed happy with his wife, kids, dog and house. Mathilda would envision herself as this man, clinging to the futile hope that she could find similar contentment. But deep down, her true self rejected that masculine future more with each passing day.
Discovering Transgender Identity and Beginning Transition
The concept of being transgender was foreign to Mathilda growing up. But around age 15, she finally learned the term by seeing a documentary, and instantly recognized it described exactly how she felt inside. Soon after this breakthrough, Mathilda began the process of medical transition.
In Sweden, transgender people must go through extensive evaluation by doctors, psychiatrists, and psychologists to verify they meet the criteria for gender dysphoria.
Once approved, they can start hormone replacement therapy. After one year on hormones, they become eligible for gender reassignment surgery. The Swedish healthcare system covers these treatments.
Mathilda progressed through this multistep transition process. She experienced the full gamut of emotions, from fear and nervousness to happiness and joy. Each step forward like getting approved for hormones or undergoing procedures brought immense relief and satisfaction. Though the process spanned years, Mathilda says it was all worthwhile.
Life as a Transgender Woman in Society
While extremely grateful to finally be living as her true self, Mathilda confesses she doesn't think the feeling of being different will ever go away completely. Even though people can't detect her past, she must still choose if and when to reveal she is transgender. This makes her feel set apart from “normal” women.
Mathilda struggles internally at times as well. She covets the female experiences of childbearing and menstruation that are biologically impossible for her. During bad periods of gender dysphoria, she can't bear to look in the mirror. These dark moments come and go.
But Mathilda focuses on the positives of being transgender. It gave her early maturity, empathy, unique insights, and life experiences most will never understand. Without her journey of self-discovery, she may have never become the strong, self-reliant woman she is today.
Though some individuals still attack transgender people with hate, Swedish society is largely open and accepting. While Mathilda has endured cruelty, most people she meets do not mistreat her due to her gender identity. She hopes that sharing her story will spread more understanding and support for the transgender community.
The Experience of Living as a Transgender Woman: Mathilda Hogberg: Conclusion
In conclusion, Mathilda Hogberg's story provides a powerful insight into the experience of living as a transgender woman. Her journey from feeling intense jealousy towards her peers as a child to discovering her true identity and transitioning to living as a woman highlights the complex emotions and societal pressures that shape this experience.
Despite facing challenges and moments of self-doubt, Mathilda's story underscores the importance of self-discovery and the resilience required to navigate the transition process.
Mathilda's experience also sheds light on the societal acceptance and openness in Sweden, where transgender individuals can access medical treatments and live relatively freely.
However, she acknowledges that the feeling of being different will never completely disappear, and that there are still moments of struggle and internal conflict.
Overall, Mathilda's story serves as a powerful reminder of the unique experiences and challenges faced by transgender individuals, as well as the importance of understanding, acceptance, and support for this community.