Euphoria and Expectations Dating as a Transgender Woman
Transgender people often struggle with their expectations. It is an undeniable part of the trans experience and it significantly impacts a person’s perceptions of themselves and their reality.
As a result, it can have a significant effect on their happiness too. In other words, manipulating expectations can positively change your life as well as your reality.
If you are a trans woman, have you gone through multiple dates since you’ve transitioned and were only disappointed?
Has your heart been seeking love and partnership but you feel far from settled in that sphere of life?
Are you constantly in search of the perfect guy for you but it feels like the more you go on dates the farther you are moving away from finding him?
After each date, do you feel lost and hurt and betrayed by your date?
It is likely that your expectations are making your dating life difficult for you. It is important to understand the difference between your standards and your expectations.
It is natural to have certain standards that you want your partner to live up to- these are the non-negotiable characteristics you expect of them.
Expectations, on the other hand, are when you expect every casual date to be that for you. Unfortunately, dating is not as simple as that. You must go kiss many frogs before you come across your Prince Charming.
When you bring forth your expectations into every date. You may end up projecting them onto the other person too, making them feel inadequate, uncomfortable, and powerless.
They may feel like their autonomy is being snatched away from them and it is undoubtedly not a pleasant experience.
Imagine if your date becomes aware of these expectations and fears that they might not be able to meet them.
They may not want to be around you anymore and might even feel uncomfortable with who they are as they feel unaccepted and rejected.
As such, when you hold expectations that you consciously or otherwise project onto your date, it would make the whole experience unnecessarily stressful for both parties.
It is human to allow internal and external expectations to drive your behavior. However, when that happens, you stop being yourself. You become disconnected from yourself and nothing good can come from that.
That being said, it is important to understand that expectations come with their advantages too.
Expectations are a way for us to simplify our reality and our perceptions. In fact, expectations set out our routine for the day. We know what to expect out of the day and from ourselves.
You save up on a lot of energy when you have clear cut expectations of what is required from a situation. Otherwise, each situation would require you to start from step 1, which could get taxing.
However, expectations are only ideal when it is about things within your control. If you lay out your expectations pertaining to other people either when interacting or dating, you might find the outcomes to be hurtful.
Therefore, when you are dating, it is particularly important to walk in without any expectations. It is easier to bond with someone when you do not have a wall of expectations naming and shaming each of their attributes.
Finally, if you have high expectations from yourself, that could be damaging to your self-esteem.
In addition, it could worsen your dysphoria when you don’t live up to these expectations. If you find your dysphoria getting exacerbated, try to identify things that lead to immediate euphoria.
For some trans women, it is the painting of their nails; for others, it is wearing a gorgeous dress. We hope this article has been helpful in outlining the advantages of setting out expectations as well as its many disadvantages when you are entering the dating pool. Good luck!!
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